19 replies to this topic

[DollyLamma]

I had a cocktail party a few weeks back with mixed company of farangs and Thais. One of the farangs I invited was a guy I know only from the beach. He's nice looking and in good shape for someone almost 60.

This guy truned out to be Don Juan, spending the entire party hitting on the Thai boyfriend of a friend of mine. It was obvious to everyone, including the farang bf, what was going on, and I was tempted at one point to take the farang aside and tell him to lay off the kid.

I didn't say anything because I had the impression that the Thai guy, who is barely 20, was enjoying the while thing, while his farang bf just kept getting redder in the face.

Not surprisingly, my friend with his Thai bf in tow, left early, no doubt hastened by the situation I described.
I got a phone call later that night from my friend, asking me why I did not say anything to the farang about hitting on his bf.

I told him I didn't think it was my place to say anything. He then said I had failed him as a host and a friend. Since then, my friend has been very cool and aloof at the beach. Should I have said something to Don Juan at the party ?

[Village Idiot]

Tricky situation, but I will tell you one thing... Don Juan would have had me in his face if he pulled
that crap with a boy I was with.. The farang bf is more responsible than the host and unless Don Juan
was difficult to brush off, the host was in the middle and the farang bf should have spoken up or made his
discomfort clear to the other farang..

There is an unwritten rule book and this type of Don Juan behavior violates the basic rules...

There are also farangs who are oblivious to everything but their own pleasures and they should be
avoided at all costs or sent to Siberia to spend a lonely winter...

[ausian]

Dear Dolly
perhaps next time you are at the beach, you may be tempted to introduce Don Juan to Scumbag from an earlier posting.

[mauRICE]

This guy truned out to be Don Juan, spending the entire party hitting on the Thai boyfriend of a friend of mine. It was obvious to everyone, including the farang bf, what was going on, and I was tempted at one point to take the farang aside and tell him to lay off the kid.

What exactly did Don Juan do? Was he aware that the Thai boy and your friend were together? Why didn't the boy do anything? He could have simply got up and sat close to his farang. But, as you said, he was enjoying the attention - could he perhaps have given Don Juan the impression that he was available?

[Haloi]

Many times at places like a party farangs will confuse a boy's smile as meaning he is available. It's no diferent that the new gay tourists who travel around Thailand and think every young man they see is cruising them because he smiles and looks back. Many farangs think any Thaiman they see is available for sex/.

The 20 years old boy may have been friendly and nothing more. I think farangs who can't deal with such a situation should not take their young bf to parties. They are probably the same farangs who always ask a boy "where have you been ?"

[Naughty but Nice]

I had a cocktail party a few weeks back with mixed company of farangs and Thais. ...........
This guy truned out to be Don Juan, spending the entire party hitting on the Thai boyfriend of a friend of mine. ................I didn't say anything because I had the impression that the Thai guy, who is barely 20, was enjoying the while thing, while his farang bf just kept getting redder in the face.

I told him I didn't think it was my place to say anything. He then said I had failed him as a host and a friend. Since then, my friend has been very cool and aloof at the beach. Should I have said something to Don Juan at the party ?

In my opinion you were a rotten host.

The first duty of a good host is to ensure that all guests feel comfortable with the goings on around them, yet whilst you were fully aware that the DJ's attentions to your friend's Thai b/f was causing him (the Farang) annoyance you chose to ignore it rather than have a quiet word with the 'offender'.

No big surprise then that your farang friend appears cold towards you.

[toprogue]

if thats the way the bf acts when your friend is around..imagine what happens when hes not....maybe he should use this as a wake up call...........i certainly dont think its up to a host to get invoved in the flirtations of his guest whether they be between thais or farangs

[Gaybutton]

I don't see any reason why the host should create a scene or 'have a quiet word' unless he is asked to intervene. I think the "farang" should have dealt with it himself, and apparently he did by sulking, leaving, and blaming the host. In my opinion, if anyone is to blame it is the Thai boyfriend, who was apparently encouraging the whole episode.

The "farang" who was doing the hitting was also wrong. At a party like that it is logical to assume that Thai boys are probably not showing up alone. He should have at least gone to the host of the party and asked if he knows whether the boy is with anyone. He also could have asked the boy. If he knew the boy was there with a boyfriend, then he was dead wrong to behave in that manner.

In my opinion everyone involved was wrong, except the host. I don't see why the host should involve himself unless he sees some real trouble brewing as a result. If the "farang" boyfriend doesn't have guts enough to do anything other than sulk about it, then too bad. He is the one who should have gone to the other "farang" or to his boyfriend and said something, not the host. If he has stopped being friendly to the host as a result, that's not my idea of much of a loss.

Also, there is no description in the original post of what actually took place. Simply saying the "farang" was hitting on the boy all night doesn't tell us very much. Was he simply talking to the boy? Did he put his hands on the boy? Did he get physical with the boy? How did the boy respond? What was the "farang" boyfriend doing besides being upset about it and getting red in the face? Why didn't he go over and say to his boyfriend something to the effect of, "I need to see you alone for a minute." and tell him he is upset by what is going on? Has the boy behaved like this at other parties or was this the first time the boy was flirting around with another "farang"?

There were plenty of things the "farang" boyfriend could have done, but to blame the host is, I think, ridiculous and shows a certain degree of cowardice.

[Naughty but Nice]

I don't see any reason why the host should create a scene or 'have a quiet word' unless he is asked to intervene.

Of course I should have remembered that you would apply western standards to the situation.

A pity that you do not feel that to act in a 'Thai' manner when in Thailand is the correct thing to do, but then over the years from readings of posts you have always shown you do not fully understand or appreciate Thai culture.

Western standards and attitudes have polluted Thai culture far to much already without trying to remove the obligations of the host to deal with a situation especially when he is aware that it is upsetting one of his guests and even more so a friend. If the host invites people to his party then it is up to him to take some responsiblity for the behaviour of his guests.

Had the friend said something to either the DJ or the Thai boy and thereby caused a scene to erupt I have no doubt that the host would be ranting about the bad manners of his farang friend in causing a scene.

[Gaybutton]

Of course I should have remembered that you would apply western standards to the situation.

A pity that you do not feel that to act in a 'Thai' manner when in Thailand is the correct thing to do, but then over the years from readings of posts you have always shown you do not fully understand or appreciate Thai culture.

Is that so? Well, I'm only too happy to know that since it comes from an expert about Thai standards like you. Now, tell me . . . what is it about Thai standards that suggests a party host should intervene in a situation such as described? And if you can tell me that, since the animosity was between "farang", and not between Thais, then even if you are correct about Thai standards, which you are not, why would anything other than western standards apply in the first place? Just because the incident occurred in Thailand? I don't think so.

Sorry, but I don't agree with you at all.

[Khor tose]

I do not know a lot about Thai standards but I do know Western Standards. I Particulary aware of standards that are practiced in the USA. Where I come from a host and a guest both have obligations to each other. It is the Host duty to provide a place where others can enjoy themselves, and it is a quest duty not to create any disturbance or cause any trouble to for his host and the other guests. I agree that the guest whose bf was being hit on should have gone to the host and asked the host to advise his other guest that the person he was hitting on was his Bf and he was getting mad at the other guest's advances. Then the host should have dealt with the problem as he (knowing both guests) is in the best position to resolve the issue. Under no circumstances should the guest with the BF confront the other guest and cause a disturbance, nor does he have any right to be mad at the host for not knowing how mad he was becoming at his other guest when he did not inform the host of his feelings. The host is not expected to be a mind reader, nor can he be aware of everything at a gathering of several people. I suspect this guest in somewhat egocentric in that he thought the host should have been aware of his feelings without being told. From what I have read of Dolly's many posts, I suspect that had he told Dolly she/he would have resolved the issue in a delicate and cordial manner and all would have had a good time.

[Hedda]

Of course I should have remembered that you would apply western standards to the situation. A pity that you do not feel that to act in a 'Thai' manner when in Thailand is the correct thing to do, but then over the years from readings of posts you have always shown you do not fully understand or appreciate Thai culture.

My experience with Thai standards in this situation would be exactly what Dolly did: "greng jai" the whole thing; ignore it.

The other possible Thai response would be to pull out a revolver and unload it into Don Juan. That would ruin the party for Don Juan, Dolly, and everyone else.

[Geezer]

A pity that you do not feel that to act in a 'Thai' manner when in Thailand is the correct thing to do, but then over the years from readings of posts you have always shown you do not fully understand or appreciate Thai culture.

How rude!

[Hedda]

How rude!

...and totally un-Thai.

[Naughty but Nice]

...and totally un-Thai.

As of course is making promises to Thai boys by telling them that a certain farang can find them someone looking for 'true love' and advertise these boys under the guise of an Introduction Service when it was nothing more than a profit making prostitution service!

Anyhow enough of this frivolity, I am off with b/f this evening to England to celebrate b/f's 19th birthday, he hasn't slept all night anticipating Thai Airways First Class travel so I only hope it proves to be as good as promised or the next 10 days will be hell. But who know maybe we will be invited to tea & crumpets at the Savoy with our former leader.

[UncleSam]

As of course is making promises to Thai boys ...when it was nothing more than a profit making prostitution service!

Naughty but nice ? I must have missed something.

Hehehe.....

[mauRICE]

But who know maybe we will be invited to tea & crumpets at the Savoy with our former leader.

The Dorchester, surely. He lives at 55 Parklane in Mayfair, right next to the The D, London's most expensive hotel. Not as glamorous as Howard's or Monty's perhaps, but some people seem to like it.

I'm sure tea with the former prime minister could be scratched on his calendar but a crumpet you already have.

Have a safe trip, dear, and may the effects of whatever you've been smokin' wear off on the long flight.

[DollyLamma]

I am happy to report back that my farang friend has apologized to me for being angry with me about the "problem" at the party.

He has also dumped the Thai bf he had at the party who later admitted to him that Don Juan was a former trick from two years ago ! I din't ask how he found that out.....not sure i want to know !!!

[Gene]

He may have apologized, but I wold be wary of a friend who acted the way he did = trying to blame you for his problem.

[Dick]

I agree with Gene. He apologized ........ after he dumped the bf and found himself alone. That kind of friend is easy to find.