7 replies to this topic

[Birch]

Can anyone tell me how an expat I know who lives in Thailand can determine if the lady that his new boyfriend says is his "sister" is really his girl friend or wife ? They don't have the same family name on their ID cards, but the Bf says that's because they had the same mother but different fathers. The girl lives with the family in rural Issan and the Bf visits them frequently or she comes to stay in Jomtien. My expat friend suspects that they are really lovers, not brother and sister, but he's doesn't know how he could ever confirm that for sure. Anyone got any suggestions on how this could be checked out ?

[Haloi]

Anyone got any suggestions on how this could be checked out ?

There are detective services in Bangkok or Pattaya that will take your money to track down the real story. The problem is that many of them are unethical enough to take money from the Bf too to give you a totally fabricated story. If your expat friend doesn't trust the new Bf enough to believe him, why bother with that kind of relationship ? Find a Bf who has no sisters.

[Hedda]

Find a Bf who has no sisters.

Or brothers either, in case your friend doesn't want his BF to have any male admirers either. I don't know the details of this relaltionship, but if it's the usual December/April thing, it's getting off on the wrong foot if the farang thinks that there is going to be monogamy, fidelity and no outside romantic interests in his young Thai Bf's life. It borders on delusional to be paying money to some detective to confirm what should simply be assumed from the outset as inevitable in this kind of relationship.

[Snowy]

My expat friend suspects that they are really lovers, not brother and sister

Maybe both ??

[Gaybutton]

It borders on delusional to be paying money to some detective to confirm what should simply be assumed from the outset as inevitable in this kind of relationship.

I agree with Hedda on this one. Suppose your friend hires a detective and the detective comes back with a report that they really are brother and sister. Now your friend will probably suspect the detective of fabricating the story. The only way there can ever be any proof would be for the detective to be able to produce photos that show, shall we say, more than the usual brother-sister relationship or for your friend to somehow catch them in the act himself. Of course, there is always DNA testing . . .

Over the years I've learned that if there is good reason to suspect a boy might be lying, then he probably is.

[Bob]

Having no clue at all as to what this particular falang is facing, I would note that it is not uncommon at all in Isaan for families to take in and raise the children of relatives, deceased friends, etc. The parents of an Isaan friend of mine took in a 7-year-old girl who they had no family relationship to and raised her as one of their own [and my friend calls her his "sister" and treats her the same as his other (real) sister]. I've asked about this and was told that this practice was very common in Isaan - and I'm aware of one other similar situation.
So, while something nefarious could be up, it all may be perfectly innocent.

[TheYenta]

Forget the detective. See a shrink if you think that an old retired farang is going to get fidelity in any relationship with a young thai.

[mauRICE]

The girl lives with the family in rural Issan and the Bf visits them frequently or she comes to stay in Jomtien.

I think you have got your answer right there. It's oft been said on these boards that rural Thais are not particularly demonstrative in showing their affections towards their family members. They send money home and perhaps visit during Songkran or on a special occasion but that's about it. A frequent exchange of visits between half-siblings who live hundreds of miles apart seems unnatural, to say the least.

There's no harm in hiring a private investigator to put your doubts to rest. I believe there are farang agencies in Bangkok that precisely do the kind of work that you seek, seeing that so many jaidii farang routinely fall in 'love' with nefarious types.